Motions…Matthew West

This might hurt, it’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care if I break, At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just okay is not enough Help me fight through the nothingness of life
I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking, “What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?”
No regrets, not this time I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something
‘Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life
‘Cause I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking, “What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?”
I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking, “What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?”

I’m living the dream….

Our F.A.T. (fighting all temptations) girls bible study just started a book called “Managing Your Moods”.  I’m only into the 2nd chapter and already I love this book. I was struck today by a question that they asked…what changes would be necessary in your life in order for you to live ‘happily ever after?” So I thought about that question and I can honestly say that I feel like I am living the dream! I have a wonderful life. I love my hubby and my boys. I have the best friends and family. I think we go to the most wonderful church. We live in a great neighborhood. Everything is better than I ever imagined it would be when I was growing up. I am blessed! Now don’t get me wrong, there could always be more money or more material things, right? I think that’s just our human nature but overall, I am spoiled beyond belief. The only thing from holding me back from living “happily ever after” is my weight. Sad, isn’t it? It’s not like it’s out of my control either! I control what I put into my mouth! I control my moods. I chose to turn to food instead of God when I’m in a bad mood or when I’m in a good mood. That question really put perspective on my life. I have the ability, with God’s help, to change. So often I want to do it my way instead of his way and that’s where I get myself into trouble. I pray that I can really start grasping (AND believing) this truth.

I’m sure some of you may be reading this and thinking, “lucky her! She has the life she wants and look where I’m stuck at. My husband is a jerk and doesn’t support my weight loss, I feel overwhelmed, we’re struggling financially, etc.” I get that I have it nice. Let me be really clear though – I have been in those really rough times as well!  When my youngest son was a year old, I was sure that God was going to take him to heaven and I would have to bury him. I was a mess. My husband and I almost separated and I felt so alone. I made the mistake of turning to food instead of God! I didn’t have any close girl friends at the time and I didn’t know my in-laws as well and the church we were going to wasn’t a good fit for me. I was at rock bottom.  I wish I could give you a magically formula to pull yourself out of the hard times but all I can say is for you to stick with it and to do your best to cling to God and your family and friends. Our rough times lasted for a couple of years! I did lots of counseling for my marriage, my child was healed, and we found a church that we felt we could grow in. It was hard work and I was miserable. I’m not sure how people can say they are thankful for those rough times because I sure wasn’t. I felt so alone and scared. I would never have believed you if you would have told me where I would be today.  

I can’t stress enough the importance of surrounding yourself with a good support system. I have 2 BFF’s that I would be lost without, and I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love my in-laws. They are my parents, not my hubby’s parents. I love my F.A.T. girls group.  I am blessed! 


I’m scared!

So I’m trying not to freak out.  I used to hate the word “exercise” but now that it’s become a part of my routine and my body is used to it, I’m scared to take some time off. I’ve had a foot injury and in the last week it’s just getting worse. I was advised to take some time off of working out but that scares me for two reasons.

1.) what if I never start back up again? It’s hard to get started but now that I’ve been doing it and it’s part of my routine, I’m okay with it. Take it out for a week and I will most likely have a hard time fitting it back in.

2.) I have to really watch my calorie consumption. If I’m not exercising, then I can’t eat those exercise calories that I earn. TRUTH – I exercise so I can eat more. I know I should exercise because it’s good for my body and health but I do it so that I can consume more calories. Somewhere in my mind I like the idea of eating more quantity versus the quality of food. Sad, I know!

Today is a little frightening for me because we have a holiday cookout to go to. I do better when I am at home and I can plan out exactly what I eat. So on this holiday weekend, I am hoping to be successful. I have a great support system and accountability. I made it through Friday and Saturday successfully…here is to Sunday and Monday!

Pride goeth before a fall…

So this past week I was so excited…I finally started losing weight. Let’s be honest, I started journaling more but I lost 2 lbs. so this takes me to within 3 of the lowest that I have been. I would definitely like to start seeing some new numbers!

I was feeling good, confident! I told my hubby and MIL that I was able to keep candy in the house and just have one serving (7 pieces of it). Well….I spoke too soon. Saturday night I ended up eating a bunch of the Rolos instead of just one serving. My 1 year old niece was spending the night and I was sleeping downstairs with her – you know – on the same level as the fridge! Not a good idea. My hubby went to bed and I thought, “I can eat that candy. No one will see me!” Somehow the logic of if people don’t see me eat it then I won’t gain the weight. I wish! The positive thing is that I didn’t eat the whole bag of candy. I was proud of myself because normally I would have but I was starting to get uncomfortably full so I stopped.

So Sunday am I am thinking AGAIN to myself, “wow, you didn’t eat the whole bag last night! You are really starting to shrink your stomach and eat less.” Remember – pride goeth before a fall  once again! I stepped on the scale to see how the candy had affected my weight and I was impressed that it wasn’t seeming to make a difference. This kept stirring in the back of my head all day…I had eaten all of that and I still seemed to be okay on the scale – I would have a loss this week. So by Sunday afternoon I convinced my hubby to order pizza (my splurge meal) and I was going to eat. I started with goldfish in the afternoon. I don’t know about you, but for me – goldfish are so addictive! So I ate a cup of those and then turned around and ate the rest of the bag of Rolos. After that I ate 3 pieces of pizza for dinner! Needless to say, the scale DID reflect it this am.

I get confident that I can do what I want and still lose but that’s not how it works! It works because you journal and you eat what you are supposed to! I know this and yet I still test it. Ugh! I was glad that a friend called me out on the carpet on it…she sent me a text and said to get rid of the candy. I had already eaten it all so I had gotten rid of it, but I did end up throwing some other stuff away to avoid the temptation. This goes to show that accountability is so important. I am surrounded by people who love me and want the best for me. They love me enough to speak up!  I’m back on the stick!

Just keep plugging…

So I stepped on the scale today…ugh. I’m only down a 1/2 lb. and weigh in is tomorrow. I was discouraged because I’ve really been trying to eat better and journal consistently. Now take into account that I’ve had three successful days this week. I wish I could say it was 6 or 7 days but last week it was only 2! I’m slowly plugging away at this but I have got to get more consistent. 

I went and looked at a couple of months ago when I was being really successful and interestingly enough I was eating more calories consistently. Currently I am having 2-3 big cheat days and then trying to stick to 1200 calories a day instead of just eating my 1400 calories plus working out calories. Ugh…it’s always a game for me. If something is working, let’s try something else and see if it works even better – if I’ll lose even quicker. I need to just stick with what I know.

It has helped being in a routine with the kids and school. Hopefully by tomorrow I’ll be down a whole lb. and then next week I’m shooting for 4-5 consistent days. Before I know it I’ll be at 7 days!