It’s been a while…

…since I’ve posted. Sadly enough, I feel like I have nothing new to say. I just keep repeating the same old cycle of having 4 or 5 good days and then binging. I’m gaining and losing the same 5 lbs. over and over.

This morning I was having my quiet time and a verse popped out at me. Ezekial 36:26 “I’ll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I’ll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that’s GOD-willed, not self-willed”.  This is the reason I’m not changing. I’m doing everything my way and not God’s. I keep thinking if I have my quiet time with him, it will eventually change my heart and my actions but it doesn’t seem to be working. I guess I need to have a more active approach! 🙂 I’m going to read this verse numerous times a day and ask God for a new heart; a heart that God is in control of, not Lisa. I do believe that he can change me.

Giving up…

So for the last how many months you have heard me rant and rave about the fact that I am just coasting…just maintaining. I have been stuck and can’t seem to make progress. I have tried everything. I have been so honest and transparent with my biblestudy girls, hoping and praying that it helps and it’s the motivation that I need BUT I just end up feeling like such a loser because I fail. I can’t get consistent. I have these moments where I just feel the need to attack food. What is wrong with me? I know it’s an addiction. I know that there was no trigger today – I was just hungry. I was making myself a turkey sandwich and decided to eat 4 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch instead. Why? It sounded good. It was a quick meal. The whole time I am thinking to myself, “this is not what I should be eating! I should be eating healthy food. I’m going to be so embarrassed to journal this later.”

BUT I eat it anyway. Why don’t I stop and listen to that voice in my head? I don’t think I’ll ever beat this addiction. I just want to give up. I want to quit letting people down…myself, my hubby and family, my biblestudy girls. I keep toying with the idea of just throwing my hands up and saying that I’m quitting my biblestudy and I’ll just go about my life and deal with whatever I look like. That would be the easy way out…

I have ever tool and ability to fight this addiction yet I don’t or won’t. What’s it going to take? I have no clue.

Sodium is not my friend!

So I looked in myfitnesspal.com at my food journal and I have realized how much I LOVE sodium! I am consistently over on my sodium levels. Yesterday I had a high protein day and I thought I did pretty good only to realize that the chicken sausage that I am eating from Meijers has WAY too much sodium. The chicken sausages have 120 calories so it’s a nice hearty lunch but it has over 1200 grams of sodium. The maximum of sodium that I am supposed to have is 2500. I was over by +800 grams yesterday. No wonder I am bloated and retaining so much water. My goal is to be more aware of salt.

Matthew West

“Hello my name is…”

This song has been in my head non-stop for the past week. I love this song! I want this song as the theme song for my life!

Words…

So tonight was a first for me. I started leading a 6th grade girls bible study and we are talking about words. Words can have such a big impact on you – either for the good or for the bad. We studied a lot of scripture tonight that talked about the tongue being so powerful. I struggle with talking before I think and being insensitive at times but the other thing that struck me is that the tongue/mouth is such a small part of the body, yet it can affect us in such a big way. I can chose to shut my mouth and not eat that bite so that I can glorify God with the body he has given me or I can put everything in it that I can possibly find.

Lately I have been having binge days. One or two a week, but eating enough that I am so sick and miserable. Why do I do this to myself? All it takes is shutting my mouth and saying “no”.  A simple word that I chose not to say.

I realized that I am going to really have to start walking the talk if I am going to be leading these girls and being the kind of godly example that God has called me to be.  It’s the only way that they will respect me. My prayer is that God is going to keep working on me and my ability to say “NO” to food when I’m not hungry. As he grows me in that area, I also pray that he grows me in my ability to stop and think before I speak.

August 2013

For some reason this pic didn’t upload with the last post…here is picture taken in August. I’ll repost again in October and you WILL see progress.

Am I wasting my life…

Are you treading water? Watching each day pass you by and thinking that tomorrow will be different? I’ll start losing weight tomorrow. I’ll start getting my life organized tomorrow. I’ll start making an effort tomorrow.

I was driving home from my Grandma’s last night and Matthew West’s song came on the radio and boy, did it hit me! I keep thinking that I’ll eventually get to my weight or eating healthy. I keep wasting time instead of living life to the fullest. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve been losing weight but I haven’t been whole hearted about it…I’m just treading water. It pains me to think of all of these weeks that I have just gone through the motions and eaten well enough to maintain or lose a little but not really give it my all. I say all of this and I’m posting this with the hopes that this will motivate me and hold me accountable to attack life. To grab every moment and enjoy  it. To savor every bite instead of shoving it in really fast so I can get over the guilty feeling.

So I’m posting a picture of my weight. I usually avoid that but I need to start owning where I am at. This picture was taken while on vacation in August. I’ll repost in October and YOU WILL SEE PROGRESS!

Motions

Matthew West

Motions…Matthew West

This might hurt, it’s not safe

But I know that I’ve gotta make a change

I don’t care if I break, At least I’ll be feeling something

‘Cause just okay is not enough Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions

I don’t wanna go one more day without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking, “What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?”

No regrets, not this time I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind

Let Your love make me whole

I think I’m finally feeling something

‘Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

‘Cause I don’t wanna go through the motions

I don’t wanna go one more day without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking, “What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?”

I don’t wanna go through the motions

I don’t wanna go one more day without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking, “What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?”
 

I’m living the dream….

Our F.A.T. (fighting all temptations) girls bible study just started a book called “Managing Your Moods”.  I’m only into the 2nd chapter and already I love this book. I was struck today by a question that they asked…what changes would be necessary in your life in order for you to live ‘happily ever after?” So I thought about that question and I can honestly say that I feel like I am living the dream! I have a wonderful life. I love my hubby and my boys. I have the best friends and family. I think we go to the most wonderful church. We live in a great neighborhood. Everything is better than I ever imagined it would be when I was growing up. I am blessed! Now don’t get me wrong, there could always be more money or more material things, right? I think that’s just our human nature but overall, I am spoiled beyond belief. The only thing from holding me back from living “happily ever after” is my weight. Sad, isn’t it? It’s not like it’s out of my control either! I control what I put into my mouth! I control my moods. I chose to turn to food instead of God when I’m in a bad mood or when I’m in a good mood. That question really put perspective on my life. I have the ability, with God’s help, to change. So often I want to do it my way instead of his way and that’s where I get myself into trouble. I pray that I can really start grasping (AND believing) this truth.

I’m sure some of you may be reading this and thinking, “lucky her! She has the life she wants and look where I’m stuck at. My husband is a jerk and doesn’t support my weight loss, I feel overwhelmed, we’re struggling financially, etc.” I get that I have it nice. Let me be really clear though – I have been in those really rough times as well!  When my youngest son was a year old, I was sure that God was going to take him to heaven and I would have to bury him. I was a mess. My husband and I almost separated and I felt so alone. I made the mistake of turning to food instead of God! I didn’t have any close girl friends at the time and I didn’t know my in-laws as well and the church we were going to wasn’t a good fit for me. I was at rock bottom.  I wish I could give you a magically formula to pull yourself out of the hard times but all I can say is for you to stick with it and to do your best to cling to God and your family and friends. Our rough times lasted for a couple of years! I did lots of counseling for my marriage, my child was healed, and we found a church that we felt we could grow in. It was hard work and I was miserable. I’m not sure how people can say they are thankful for those rough times because I sure wasn’t. I felt so alone and scared. I would never have believed you if you would have told me where I would be today.  

I can’t stress enough the importance of surrounding yourself with a good support system. I have 2 BFF’s that I would be lost without, and I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love my in-laws. They are my parents, not my hubby’s parents. I love my F.A.T. girls group.  I am blessed!