It’s been a while…

…since I’ve posted. Sadly enough, I feel like I have nothing new to say. I just keep repeating the same old cycle of having 4 or 5 good days and then binging. I’m gaining and losing the same 5 lbs. over and over.

This morning I was having my quiet time and a verse popped out at me. Ezekial 36:26 “I’ll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I’ll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that’s GOD-willed, not self-willed”.¬† This is the reason I’m not changing. I’m doing everything my way and not God’s. I keep thinking if I have my quiet time with him, it will eventually change my heart and my actions but it doesn’t seem to be working. I guess I need to have a more active approach! ūüôā I’m going to read this verse numerous times a day and ask God for a new heart; a heart that God is in control of, not Lisa. I do believe that he can change me.

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Giving up…

So for the last how many months you have heard me rant and rave about the fact that I am just coasting…just maintaining. I have been stuck and can’t seem to make progress. I have tried everything. I have been so honest and transparent with my¬†biblestudy girls, hoping and praying that it helps and it’s the motivation that I need BUT I just end up feeling like such a loser because I fail. I can’t get consistent. I have these moments where I just feel the need to attack food. What is wrong with me? I know it’s an addiction. I know that there was no trigger today – I was just hungry. I was making myself a turkey sandwich and decided to eat 4 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch instead. Why? It sounded good. It was a quick meal. The whole time I am thinking to myself, “this is not what I should be eating! I should be eating healthy food. I’m going to be so embarrassed to journal this later.”

BUT I eat it anyway. Why don’t I stop and listen to that voice in my head? I don’t think I’ll ever beat this addiction. I just want to give up. I want to quit letting people down…myself, my hubby and family, my biblestudy girls. I keep toying with the idea of just throwing my hands up and saying that I’m quitting my biblestudy and I’ll just go about my life and deal with whatever I look like. That would be the easy way out…

I have ever tool and ability to fight this addiction yet I don’t or won’t. What’s it going to take? I have no clue.

Sodium is not my friend!

So I looked in myfitnesspal.com at my food journal and I have realized how much I LOVE sodium! I am consistently over on my sodium levels. Yesterday I had a high protein day and I thought I did pretty good only to realize that the chicken sausage that I am eating from Meijers has WAY too much sodium. The chicken sausages have 120 calories so it’s a nice hearty lunch but it has over 1200 grams of sodium. The maximum of sodium that I am supposed to have is 2500. I was over by +800 grams yesterday. No wonder I am bloated and retaining so much water. My goal is to be more aware of salt.

Words…

So tonight was a first for me. I started leading a 6th grade girls bible study and we are talking about words. Words can have such a big impact on you – either for the good or for the bad. We studied a lot of scripture tonight that talked about the tongue being so powerful. I struggle with talking before I think and being insensitive at times but the other thing that struck me is that the tongue/mouth is such a small part of the body, yet it can affect us in such a big way. I can chose to shut my mouth and not eat that bite so that I can glorify God with the body he has given me or I can put everything in it that I can possibly find.

Lately I have been having binge days. One or two a week, but eating enough that I am so sick and miserable. Why do I do this to myself? All it takes is shutting my mouth and saying “no”.¬† A simple word that I chose not to say.

I realized that I am going to really have to start walking the talk if I am going to be leading these girls and being the kind of godly example that God has called me to be.¬† It’s the only way that they will respect me. My prayer is that God is going to keep working on me and my ability to say “NO” to food when I’m not hungry. As he grows me in that area, I also pray that he grows me in my ability to stop and think before I speak.

Am I wasting my life…

Are you treading water? Watching each day pass you by and thinking that tomorrow will be different? I’ll start losing weight tomorrow. I’ll start getting my life organized tomorrow. I’ll start making an effort tomorrow.

I was driving home from my Grandma’s last night and Matthew West’s song came on the radio and boy, did it hit me! I keep thinking that I’ll eventually get to my weight or eating healthy. I keep wasting time instead of living life to the fullest. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve been losing weight but I haven’t been whole hearted about it…I’m just treading water. It pains me to think of all of these weeks that I have just gone through the motions and eaten well enough to maintain or lose a little but not really give it my all. I say all of this and I’m posting this with the hopes that this will motivate me and hold me accountable to attack life. To grab every moment and enjoy¬† it. To savor every bite instead of shoving it in really fast so I can get over the guilty feeling.

So I’m posting a picture of my weight. I usually avoid that but I need to start owning where I am at. This picture was taken while on vacation in August. I’ll repost in October and YOU WILL SEE PROGRESS!